Losing something or someone has never been an easy task; especially if you have had deep emotional attachments to it. It gives you a lasting impact, one that would change your perception, your actions and your decisions forever.
I personally have experienced that loss… of a loved one..
…
My Puppy Dog, Murphy.
It saddens me as I type this out. This wound has left a scar. It was not fresh and if I recall clearly, it was around 6 years ago and the end of the Chinese New Year week. I was 11 during the time of loss.
As I arrived back at home, I dashed out of the car, obviously missing my dogs. I had 2 dogs at the time, one fully grown matured dog and another was that puppy dog of roughly 6 months old. With those 2 animals around, I felt like a mother; nurturing, guiding and teaching them. We had instructed a kind neighbour to feed my pets at home. As I dashed out to the gate, the older dog, Fido jumped at me and gave me a ‘I miss you’ growl which I gladly replied with a ‘I miss you too’ growl of my own. I was puzzled that Murphy didn’t care to join the party but I thought he would’ve been busy. It struck me that something was going amiss.
My parents caught up with me and unlocked the gate; cracking jokes about the dog. The gate unlocked and I was greeted with an assault by Fido when I entered the compound. After the whole celebration, I went to look for Murphy. I was bewildered and shocked when I saw what I saw: My puppy dog, lying on its side, its tongue rolled out. Blood was all over his which I suspected had come from his stood. Fire crackers were all over the floor and quite a few had signs of being gnawed on.
A mental image played in my head. My happy little puppy jumped and galloped. He attacked the remnants of the firecrackers and shook it around playfully. After he have gotten tired, he laid down with his paws claming onto the piece. Then he slowly chews off and eats it up. After that, he went off to lay himself by Fido. Days passed by and Murphy grew sicker and suffered. All those flashed through my 11 year old head. And I’ve come to realized that..
I’ve lost.. The puppy dog which I have grown to hate and yet to love. Murphy was a German shepherd mix. As a dog, Murphy wasn’t a very friendly one. It was stubborn and fiercefully protective. Many times, I had to discipline the puppy by threatening to hit him. It never worked and I grew frustrated of him. I remember that my rabbit escaped from its cage one day. Murphy saw the chance and being the hunter he is, he attacked the rabbit and the next day, I saw its body lying motionlessly, lifelessly in front of the door.
I couldn’t have hit him, I just scolded him as I mourn for the loss of a family member. As Murphy grew bigger, I grew more fearful of him. But the day I had lost him, I regretted all the way I’ve treated him.
I was stupid for thinking that my dog would one day conquer me and overpower me. In my defense, I was 11. I was devastated. It felt like life was empty and my vision was black and white. The cheerful, bouncy little child was no longer happy.
I started blaming myself for all that I didn’t do and could’ve done. “You could’ve sent him to some pet hotel to stay during the Chinese New Year!” “You could’ve been back home earlier!” “You could’ve stayed at home during Chinese New Year instead!” “You could’ve brought him along for the Chinese New Year celebration!” It was all the ‘you could’ve’s dancing in my brain. I was angry at myself and at the person who threw the crackers in the first place. I swore to get revenge on whoever who did it.
I’ve shed my tears for him for 2 weeks. Yes, 2 weeks! Everyday for 2 weeks! I was tired; I just wanted a way out; I never felt so worn out in my life before. Even after those 2 weeks, the thought of him would have easily have brought tears to my eyes. But eventually, I moved on. I realized that “he’s in the heavens above, playing cards with the rabbit” (quoted from my brother in his attempt to comfort me). I cherished the growing memory I had with him.
He was a cute, grumpy puppy. He got easily angry at me and wasn’t very well liked by my family members. However, 1 thing would’ve smoothed him. That was his weak point and he was so adorable when we have done it to him. It was a scratch on the chest. His face would turn mellow and his body seemingly to be made out of jelly. When we do walk bout, he would loyally follow after me. He had a super stamina and loves a good play time. He would steal from Fido’s food bowl and they would fight over that.
That experience made me grow. I grew stronger and I grew to understand how it feels to hurt. I learnt that we must let go of things. During the time of his death, many songs had managed to strike deep sadness in me. These songs, I would never rehear back unless if I feel like being sober. That song is ‘Have you ever’ by SCLUB7.
~:Von C:~